Music Saves My Soul
by Shay-Nia
Summary: Jenny Roseman has a lot on her mind. Told in the first person. Inspirational…I hope. It'll help you if you hate yourself.(But you shouldn't) Don't hate yourself or anyone else; read and review! Please and Thank you.
1. Chapter 1

I wasn't happy, but I wasn't mad, or depressed. My feeling were mixed. I didn't think anything could make me feel worse, and then I looked into the mirror; examining myself carefully. My brown eyes were so dark everyone called them black; my messy black hair was pulled back in a equally messy bun. I pushed my glasses up my nose. I don't get how people called me pretty or beautiful; I was far far from it.

I glared at my reflection. I hated mirrors as much as I hated my reflection. Nothing is going to pull me out of my emotional state. I turned out the lights in the bathroom and walked to my room, laying on my bed.I put on my head-phones and played shuffle on Pandora. My favorite band began to play. I listened to every word. It was Make It Stop by Rise Against.

**Make it Stop**

**Let this end**

**This life chose me**

**I'm not lost in sin**

**Proud I stand **

**Of who I am**

**I plan to go on living**

**Make it stop **

**Let this end**

**All these years pushed to the end**

**Proud I stand **

**Of who I am**

**I plan to go on living**

Next song was Born This Way by Lady Gaga.

**Don't be a drag, just be a queen**  
**Whether you're broke or evergreen**  
**You're black, white, beige, chola descent**  
**You're Lebanese, you're orient**  
**Whether life's disabilities**  
**Left you outcast, bullied, or teased**  
**Rejoice and love yourself today**  
**'cause baby you were born this way**

**No matter gay, straight, or bi,**  
**Lesbian, transgendered life,**  
**I'm on the right track baby,**  
**I was born to survive.**  
**No matter black, white or beige**  
**Chola or orient made,**  
**I'm on the right track baby,**  
**I was born to be brave.**

I thought about these lyrics to both songs. And slow felt a whole lot better. I may not be pretty, but I had nothing to be ashamed of. These songs had saved me. Music saves my soul.

I** put down my favorite part for each song. And if you've never heard those songs you should YouTube 'em. Music video for Make it (I promis you) change your life. Other songs that are related to the topic are The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, Who Says by Selena Gomez, and Perfect by P!nk. They helped me a lot.**

**Anyways please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks.**

**Au revoir! **

**-Shay**


	2. Chapter 2

I sat in a corner in the back of my class. I felt lonely like everyone had a friend but me. Walking home from school i put listened to Pandora on my iPod. The melody played through my head as I listened to the words.

**You, you'll never stand alone **  
**I'll be standing by **  
**I'll keep you from the cold **  
**I'llhold you when you cry **  
**I'll be there to be strong **

**When you can't find the strength inside **  
**And you, you'll always have a home **  
**In these arms of mine **  
**You'll never stand alone **  
**Love is standing by**

The next song had really made me think.

**Everyday I sit and ask myself**  
**How did love slip away**  
**Something whispers in my ear and says**  
**That you are not alone**  
**I am here with you**  
**Though you're far away**  
**I am here to stay**

**But you are not alone**  
**I am here with you**  
**Though we're far apart**  
**You're always in my heart**  
**But you are not alone**

The words to both songs played over and over again in my head. No one is ever truly alone, we all got a friend who watches over, protects us, and helps us through our struggles, weither we believe it or not he's there for us.

**The songs are You'll Never Stand Alone by Whitney Houston,and You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson. Hope you enjoyed this, please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks. **

**Au revoir! **

**-Shay**


	3. Chapter 3

I walked down the street making my way home from school. I looked down an ally as I came to it, and saw a little boy curled up into a ball asleep…hopefully. Suddenly I got angry at people and at the world. Everyone was so cruel and hateful now, and that needed to change.

**I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder**  
**As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder**  
**Most of us only care about money makin'**  
**Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction**

**Wrong information always shown by the media**  
**Negative images is the main criteria**  
**Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria**  
**Kids wanna act like what they see in the cinema**

**Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity**  
**Whatever happened to the fairness and equality**  
**Instead of spreading love we're spreading animosity**  
**Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity**

**That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under**  
**That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down**  
**There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under**  
**Gotta keep my faith alive 'til love is found**  
**Now ask yourself**

**Where is the love?**  
**Where is the love?**  
**Where is the love?**  
**Where is the love?**

**Father, Father, Father, help us**  
**Send some guidance from above**  
**'Cause people got me, got me questionin'**  
**Where is the love?**

Those words rang through my ears as I looked down at the little boy. I looked at my iPod to check the time. It was already 4:00; I needed to get home, but I couldn't leave this boy there. Lyrics to another song played in my head.

**I'm Gonna Make A Change,**  
**For Once In My Life**  
**It's Gonna Feel Real Good,**  
**Gonna Make A Difference**  
**Gonna Make It Right . . .**

**As I, Turn Up The Collar On My**  
**Favourite Winter Coat**  
**This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind**  
**I See The Kids In The Street,**  
**With Not Enough To Eat**  
**Who Am I, To Be Blind?**  
**Pretending Not To See**  
**Their Needs**  
**A Summer's Disregard,**  
**A Broken Bottle Top**  
**And A One Man's Soul**  
**They Follow Each Other On**  
**The Wind Ya' Know**  
**'Cause They Got Nowhere**  
**To Go**  
**That's Why I Want You To**  
**Know**

**I'm Starting With The Man In**  
**The Mirror**  
**I'm Asking Him To Change**  
**His Ways**  
**And No Message Could Have**  
**Been Any Clearer**  
**If You Wanna Make The World**  
**A Better Place**  
**(If You Wanna Make The**  
**World A Better Place)**  
**Take A Look At Yourself, And**  
**Then Make A Change**  
**(Take A Look At Yourself, And**  
**Then Make A Change)**  
**(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,**  
**Na Nah)**

I sighed. What would Mom say if I brought this boy home? I thought about it for a quick second, then walked over to the little boy.

"Hey," I said quietly as I kneeled down beside him. He looked at me, his green eyes dark and afraid.

"Who…who are you?" He asked with a shakey voice. I smiled.

"My name's Jenny. What's yours?"

"Toby."

"How long have you been on your own, Toby?"

"Umm," he counted on his dirty fingers. "Since my mummy's death in January." This month was November; he'd been alone for ten months.

"And how old are you?"

"I'm…um… I'm five." I stood up straight and reached out for his hand. He hesitantly took my hand and I started walking to my house.

"Jenny? You're not gonna take me to the police are you." I shook my head.

"No. I'm taking you to my house. Where you'll get bathed, dressed, fed, and you'll have somewhere safe to sleep." I dug through my backpack, with my fee hand, pulled out an apple leftover from lunch, and handed it to Toby.

"Thank you." Toby said with a smile. I smiled back. If only everyone wasn't so cruel to each other then we'd all live in a world of peace and love.

**Songs: Where Is The Love by Black Eyed Peas, and Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson. **

**Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks. **

**Au revior! **

**-Shay. **


	4. Chapter 4

I was madly in love with my best friend, and he knew that. He didn't reject me, but he didn't take me. We remained friends, though, and I tried to let him go. But it just wasn't possible for me. I couldn't help but admire him everytime I looked at him, and I always got butterflies when he talked or looked at me. I didn't let it show though, but it kept me up at night. I couldn't ever say that I was still into him. And like most friends we've had our fights, but always forgave each other at the end. How we were still friends after all that surprised me.

**I should be over all the butterflies**  
**But I'm into you (I'm into you)**  
**And baby even on our worst nights**  
**I'm into you (I'm into you)**

**Let 'em wonder how we got this far**  
**'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all**  
**Yeah, after all this time I'm still into you**

He was an insecure guy, in fact the most inscure guy I had ever met. But that's what I loved about him. His insecurity made me want to tell him how great he was and how much he ment to me. The words of others didn't help. People now, so cruel and hateful, trying to bring others down. It's sickening.

**You're so mean (so mean) when you talk (when you talk)**  
**About yourself. You were wrong.**  
**Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head)**  
**Make them like you instead.**

**So complicated,**  
**Look how we all make it.**  
**Filled with so much hatred**  
**Such a tired game**  
**It's enough, I've done all I could think of**  
**Chased down all my demons**  
**I've seen you do the same**  
**(Oh oh)**

**Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel**  
**Like you're less than less than perfect**  
**Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel**  
**Like you're nothing, you are perfect to me**

* * *

**Songs are Still Into You by Paramore and F**in Perfect P!nk. I'm out of song so if you have any inspirational songs please tell me. And please review and me what you thought. Thanks.**

**Au revoir!**

**-Shay. **


	5. Chapter 5

He didn't know the lengths I'd go for him. I don't think he knows that I really do love him. I guess I'd never tell him everything I liked about him, everything he was to me, and everything I'd do for him. I'd do anything for him but he wouldn't do it for me. Sure there'd be somethings that he'd do but because we were friends not because he loved me.

**I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
**Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
**I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
**You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)**  
**Oh, I would go through all this pain**  
**Take a bullet straight through my brain**  
**Yes, I would die for you, baby**  
**But you won't do the same**

He was literally the guy of my dreams. He didn't think so, but I did. I'd always try to make him happy, usually succeeding, and he always made me happy. I understood him and he understood me and that's why we were friends. But we had a stronger connection.

**If you could see**  
**That I'm the one**  
**Who understands you,**  
**Been here all along.**  
**So, why can't you see ‒**  
**You belong with me?…**

**You belong with me,**  
**You belong with me?**

**You belong with me.**

**Have you ever thought just maybe**  
**You belong with me?**

**You belong with me.**

I guess that I'd just have to wait, keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself until he realized what he has before he loses it.

**Songs are Grenade by Bruno Mars and You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. I'm still out of songs and may end this soon. But please review and tell me what you .**

**Au revoir!**

**Shay**


	6. Chapter 6

I wasn't one to fall in love, not after last time. But somehow I managed to fall again, this time with my best friend. I had vowed to want nothing to do with love... then I met him and all was forgotten. He was the only reason I let love back into my life.

**And I've always lived like this  
Keeping a comfortable, distance  
Up until now I had sworn to myself  
That I'm content with loneliness  
Because none of it was ever worth the risk**

But You are the only exception  
You are the only exception  
You are the only exception  
You are the only exception

I sat alone at the lunch tables, thinking about him. How much I need him, how much I want him. Being alone has never felt so lonely. He was always on my mind now, and if he were here, he'd be my only friend. And I'd hope he's feel and think the same.

**Yeah yeah  
I need you **  
**Help me take away the pain  
You're all I think about and now I'm singing Hoo, hoo  
Yeah you're on my heart just like a stain  
You help keep me sane, as I sing:**

**My mind's on you Hoo, hoo  
I yearning for you everyday  
Wishing it was just us two Then I'd know I'd be okay**

**You're my best friend  
We have a bond that cannot bend That together we'd stay  
And that you would say:**

**My mind's on you Hoo, hoo  
I yearning for you everyday  
Wishing it was just us two Then I'd know I'd be okay**

**I need you  
I need you  
I need you, more than you know **

**And i want you  
I want you  
I want you, more than I'd show **

**hoo, hoo, hoo  
ahh, ahh, ahhyeah**

If only I'd the confidence to tell him that myself. If only I wasn't afraid to know what his response was.

**Songs: Only Exception by Paramore, and I Need You my Shay-Nia. Yeah that's right I wrote a song! **

**Also sorry I didn't update sooner. School started and my kindle fire has stopped working. **

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review and tell me what you thought, and also some song suggestions. Thanks **

**Au revoir!**

**-Shay**


	7. Chapter 7

Our first conversation he told me he' d never love again, and it kinda hurt. He was heart broken and so was I. But wasn't everyone else? As much as I wanted to tell him how much i loved him, words just didn't work for me. I tried to prove that I wasn't like most girls. In fact I wasn't; I hate being a girl and human, but he makes it worth it. I wanted him to know i could try and heal the the pain. That I would never do anything to cause him more pain.

**The day I first met you**  
**You told me you never fall in love**  
**But now that I get you**  
**I know fear is what it really was**  
**Now here we are**  
**So close, yet so far**  
**Haven't I passed the test?**  
**When will you realize**  
**Baby im not like the rest?**

**Don't wanna break your heart**  
**Wanna give your heart a break**  
**I know you're scared it's wrong**  
**Like you might make a mistake**  
**There's just one life to live**  
**And there's no time to waste (to waste)**  
**So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break**  
**Let me give your heart a break , give your heart a break**  
**Oh yeah, yeah**

Before I had met my best friend, I had a small crush on a boy at school. He made me think he was liked me, but totally lied. I felt like crying, but that's not in my nature. But I felt like I was broken, like I had fallen hard and i was completely shattered. It was like he was doing it on purpose, like he knew it was hurting me both mentally and physically. Like he knew that I'd feel like nothing mattered anymore. And with everything that had happened in my life that broke me completely. But I decided not to let it break me just yet.

**Skies are crying, I am watching**  
**Catching tear drops in my hands**  
**Only silence as it's ending**  
**Like we never had a chance**  
**Do you have to make me feel like**  
**There's nothing left of me?**

**You can take everything I have**  
**You can break everything I am**  
**Like I'm made of glass**  
**Like I'm made of paper**  
**Go on and try to tear me down**  
**I will be rising from the ground**  
**Like a skyscraper**  
**Like a skyscraper**

Why is love so... complicated. Why can't a guy ever love me? i don't ask a lot of why questions, but WHY!? Why, why, why? Why am I worthless, useless, weird, stupid, crazy, unlovable. Why?

**Songs: Give your Heart a Break and Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. These questions really are going through my head. And if there going through yours Listen to Born this Way by Lady gaga and F** Perfect by P!nk and change your mind. Unfortunately I can't ever change my mind it's also not in my nature, like crying.  
Anyway, please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks. **

**Au revior!**

**-Shay.**


	8. Chapter 8

i did think I would, but I did. I fell for him and hard, and it's driving me crazy how much I need, want, and think of him. He wanted me to let him go, I agreed I would but never did. It wasn't possible. And I w ant to tell him that, tell everything. And have him tell me everything too. I wanted to him to know he could tell me anything and everything. I wanted to break down his wall like he did mine. I was under his control. I lost sleep thinking about him, and it turned me into a mess.

**We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain**  
**We jumped, never asking why**  
**We kissed, I fell under your spell**  
**A love no one could deny**

**Don't you ever say I just walked away**  
**I will always want you**  
**I can't live a lie, running for my life**  
**I will always want you**

**I came in like a wrecking ball**  
**I never hit so hard in love**  
**All I wanted was to break your walls**  
**All you ever did was break me**  
**Yeah, you wreck me**

I couldn't live one second without him on my mind, and sometime I wonder if he ever thought of me too. I could walk hundred of miles to get to him. I'd do anything. And with every thought of him I drown just a little more. All I wanted to do was hold him and be close to him.

**Making my way downtown**  
**Walking fast**  
**Faces pass**  
**And I'm home bound**

**Staring blankly ahead**  
**Just making my way**  
**Making a way**  
**Through the crowd**

**And I need you**  
**And I miss you**  
**And now I wonder...**

**If I could fall**  
**Into the sky**  
**Do you think time**  
**Would pass me by**  
**'Cause you know I'd walk**  
**A thousand miles**  
**If I could **  
**Just see you**  
**Tonight**

**It's always times like these**  
**When I think of you**  
**And I wonder**  
**If you ever **  
**Think of me**

**'Cause everything's so wrong**  
**And I don't belong**  
**Living in your**  
**Precious memory**

**'Cause I need you**  
**And I miss you**  
**And now I wonder...**

**If I could fall**  
**Into the sky**  
**Do you think time**  
**Would pass me by**  
**'Cause you know I'd walk**  
**A thousand miles**  
**If I could **  
**Just see you**  
**Tonight**

**And I, I**  
**Don't want to let you know**  
**I, I**  
**Drown in your memory**  
**I, I**  
**Don't want to let this go**  
**I, I**  
**Don't...**

**Making my way downtown**  
**Walking fast**  
**Faces pass**  
**And I'm home bound**

**Staring blankly ahead**  
**Just making my way**  
**Making a way**  
**Through the crowd**

**And I still need you**  
**And I still miss you**  
**And now I wonder...**

**If I could fall**  
**Into the sky**  
**Do you think time**  
**Would pass us by**  
**'Cause you know I'd walk**  
**A thousand miles**  
**If I could **  
**Just see you...**

**If I could fall**  
**Into the sky**  
**Do you think time**  
**Would pass me by**  
**'Cause you know I'd walk**  
**A thousand miles**  
**If I could **  
**Just see you**  
**If I could **  
**Just hold you**  
**Tonight **

Unfortunately life's unfair, and there's no possible way he could ever love me back. But a girl can dream...

**Songs: Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus and Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton. Hope You enjoyed. Please review and tell me what you thought.**

**Au revior!**

**-Shay.**


	9. Chapter 9

He ran through my mind 24-7. He didn't know it but he was my world my purpose in life, the reason I was still living with happiness. In fact he was the reason I had a song to sing and music in my soul. He was all I wanted. Him everything about him made me want to sing songs of joy and cry out in happiness. An din my crazy life he kept me singing and sane.

**And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times**  
**It's you, it's you, you make me sing.**  
**You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.**

He was in my dreams, thoughts, and heart. He didn't know how much he was to me. Though I think one day I'll tell him. But would he believe me when I say "Forever and always?" 'Cause he was all I wanted and loved... forever and always.

**I want you forever, forever and always**  
**Through the good and the bad and the ugly**  
**We'll grow old together**  
**Forever and always**

He might not ever love me, but forever will I think of thee.

**Songs: Everything by Michael Buble and Forever and Always by Parachute. I advise you to look up Forever and Always, because it is possibly the greatest song you could possibly listen to. It sad and sweet and almost made me cry. ALMOST. Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review and tell me what you thought. Thank you.**

**Au revoir! **

**-Shay**


	10. Chapter 10

A smile played on my face as I walked through the sunshine. It was Sunday morning and I was off to church. I wore a spring time colored long sleeve dress, which no one would ever see me in unless it was Sunday. My smile dropped as I saw a young sitting alone; I walked over.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I just don't know what to do today. I'm really bored," She replied. I smiled again. I gave he a hand up.

"You can come to my church with me if you want."

She gave me a quizzical look. "What kind of church?"

My smile got bigger as I said,"It's the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. A Mormon church." She hesitated a bit then nodded with a smile.

**We are all travelers**  
**Looking to the sky**  
**Destined for glory.**  
**Here on this journey**  
**We are all sure to find**  
**Those who are wandering**  
**And show the way.**

**Reaching out to all places,**  
**Calling out to all nations**  
**(Arise, arise)**  
**There's promise on the horizon**  
**Now's your time to**  
**Shine!**

**Arise, arise, arise!**  
**Arise, arise, arise!**  
**Arise, arise, arise!**

I stood on really tall rock on the top of a mountain, watching the sun sunset. The journey took a while to get up here, but it also took a lot of courage, to be able to do it too. It only takes courage to make a dream become a reality.

**Every road is paved with chances to step up to higher ground you can see your destination but the sun is going down **

** It's a season for courage wherever you are stand up a little taller it's a season for courage, the time is right now don't you know you just can't lose all you have to do is choose it's a season for courage**

* * *

**Song: Arise (There is no artist name) and A Season of Courage by John McVey. These are Mormon song. Any questions about Mormons feel free to ask. Please review and tell me what you thought. Thanks.**

**Au revior!**

**~Shay. **


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